A Fitting Finale

Let me start by saying that, any way you look at it, I am feeling much better today. Tuesday was certainly a difficult day, exposing my spiritual and emotional frailness (read previous post). When Chris came home from work that day he watched the girls while I had some time alone out of the house for about two hours. That was so refreshing, and I came back feeling like a different person.

The next day, however, while Chris was in California, my physical frailness was being exposed. I was at home struggling with mastitis. For those of you who don't know, mastitis is a breast infection that makes you feel as though you have the flu. All I could think about (while I was still in the right mind enough to think) was, "Of all the days for me to be so ill! Chris isn't even in the state!" This was his third and final one-day trip to Los Angeles to give a briefing on what he and his team have been working on for the last four months.

The past two months have been particularly difficult for us, with these last three weeks or so being a downright hardship. We're all still adjusting to the new dynamics of our family and have not had proper "down time" together since Evangeline was born. In some ways, it might have been easier to not have seen Chris at all these past three weeks rather than seeing him only long enough to say, "Hello," while he showers and turns right back around to return to the office. Eliana is now very clingy to him and throws a fit if he leaves or has to momentarily separate himself from her for any reason.

Anyway, so here I was, running a high-grade fever, half-delirious with two small children to care for and no one to care for me. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, resentfully thinking what a fitting end to this assignment, what a perfect way to sum up the feelings of loneliness, helplessness and fatigue that I've had lately. There is, however, a good side to this story. (I know, you're probably tired of all the whining - me too!)

Praise be to God, who has mercifully delivered me from this illness with a quick and steady hand! My fever broke that very same evening and continued to fall through the night. Chris was able to stay home for a couple of hours in the morning to help me rest a little more, and though I still felt draggy and sore, I continued to improve as the day progressed.

I now feel much, much better, and instead of feeling tempted to question why God would allow me to become so ill on such an inconvenient day or go through such a difficult few weeks without my husband I now feel that it was actually a perfectly designed and much needed opportunity to remind me of my limitations and of my dependence on Him from whom all blessings flow.