FIESTA!

Our family attended the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta on Friday, October 13. This annual festival, the largest of its kind in the world, is held for ten days in early October. People from all over the world come, and it is truly a sight to see! We were able to go on a day featuring special shapes balloons. We were fortunate enough to have family in town visiting during the balloon fiesta (We're so glad you could come with us, Papa and Lynne!), and we all had a great time - check it out:

Many balloons started blowing up around 7:00 A.M.

We got to walk right up to the balloons.

That same balloon later...

Touching a balloon

That same balloon later...
Papa and Lynne

My monkey

My sweet, little girl enjoying the balloons

My other sweet, little girl trying to stay warm

More balloons...

Eliana's 1st Haircut!

Eliana got her first haircut on Monday, October 9th. We took her to Kids Jungle Cuts, and we all had a great time!

Before...
(Getting ready to go)





After...
(She is signing "tree" in the first picture.)

Defending the Defenseless

There is currently a major battle being fought in America over the legality of elective abortions. The battlefield is South Dakota, where Gov. Mike Rounds (R) signed a bill, the Women's Health and Human Life Protection Act (HB 1215), into law this past March that places a broad ban on abortion. Opponents of the ban successfully put the law on hold until a November 7 referendum decides its future. You can read a Washington Post article on the issue here.

According to VoteYesForLife.com, a coalition of pro-life organizations and individuals in South Dakota who are supporting the Women’s Health and Human Life Protection Act, there is a pro-abortion television ad in South Dakota that would have the public believe that there would be no options for victims of rape and incest after the passage of the law, called Referred Law 6, even though emergency contraceptives would be allowed up until a pregnancy is capable of being detected. And since when were parenting and adoption placement not valid options? I don't dismiss the difficulty in making those decisions, but they most certainly should be presented as options. This same ad is also said to falsely accuse the law of leaving no options for mothers whose health would be seriously threatened by continuing their pregnancies. In actuality, under Referred Law 6, the unborn child's life and health are to be considered when making medical care decisions, but in the event that the mother's life is at stake abortion is allowed.

Unless you are a South Dakota resident you obviously won't be able to vote on this, but don't let that stop you from taking action. South Dakota voters need to make an informed decision based upon TRUTH. VoteYesForLife.com is dedicated to getting the facts out to South Dakota voters about Referred Law 6. You can visit their website to read more about the law and ways you can help. There's even a blog to help keep you up-to-date with what's going on. Those of us who value the sanctity of human life need to help them get their message out. Most of all, I would ask you to pray for this very important fight for the unborn.

A Noteworthy Week

These last three days have all been noteworthy, and for different reasons, so I'm going to say a little about each.

Tuesday, October 3 - I started an American Sign Language (ASL) class on this day. It meets every Tuesday evening for 8 weeks. I'm in the Beginner Advanced class, which, for a "beginner" class, is quite advanced indeed! Our instructor uttered not a single word. She signed everything, fingerspelling words that resulted in blank stares all around, and would very rarely make a small note on the board. My feelings constantly shifted between excitement (for learning something new and for all my aspirations tied up in learning this language), embarrassment (when I struggled to keep up), pride (for understanding as much as I did) and inadequacy (for understanding as little as I did). I cannot tell you how delighted I am to have this opportunity!

Wednesday, October 4 - This day marked the one-year anniversary of our arrival in Albuquerque. I can't believe we've already been here an entire year! We really do love it here, and I'm quite content to stay for now.

Thursday, October 5 - Our little Evangeline is 3-months-old today. Can you believe it?! I'm convinced that time is actually moving faster these days. It is such a joy and a privilege to be the mother of this precious child. It is so amazing to see her personality come out more and more with each passing day. We call her "Princess Evangeline" because that's exactly what she is! Happy quarter-of-a-year-day, my sweet girl!

Rambling Thoughts on the Christ Child

I was recently holding my sweet, little newborn baby while listening to these Chris Rice lyrics referring to the baby Jesus Christ:

Fragile fingers sent to heal us,
Tender brow prepared for thorn,
Tiny heart whose blood will save us,
Unto us is born.

Looking into the happy eyes of my baby, so unaware of all the evils in this fallen world, my heart was broken over the thought of the innocent Jesus, once a tiny baby himself, suffering so greatly for our sins. I held my little one closer. I wanted to hold baby Jesus and express my sorrow over the suffering I caused him.

But, what would it be like to hold the infant Jesus? What would it be like to look down at the sleeping child in your arms with a foreknowledge of his life, death and resurrection? How would it feel to hold the great I AM?

I never really thought very much of Jesus as a baby until I became a mother. Now I sometimes try to imagine things from Mary's perspective and wonder what Jesus was like as a newborn, a toddler, and so on. What was Mary's labor like? Did the newborn Jesus like to be nursed to sleep or rocked? What did the four-month-old Jesus find hilarious? Was the 12-month-old Jesus very eager to learn to walk, or was he more cautious? Did the 19-month-old Jesus love to dance? Which foods did the 2-year-old Jesus dislike? Which animal most fascinated the 3-year-old Jesus? What did the 5-year-old Jesus like to draw?

Isn't it fascinating, wondrous and miraculous that the God of the universe has breathed our air and walked our sod? Isn't it beyond our comprehension that he would humble himself so, coming into the world as a weak, fragile baby with poor hand-eye coordination and low visual acuity, dependent on a young woman to feed, clothe, bathe and hold him? What a stark contrast to the right hand of God! What an amazing Savior we have!

Tag, I'm It!

I've been tagged by Mrs. J!

Three things I am doing right now: nursing an infant, sipping my decaffeinated sweet tea, and wondering why God blessed me with the most beautiful baby in the whole, wide world

Three nicknames: Jen, Mommy, and Face

Three people that make me laugh: Eliana, Chris, and Summer

Three things on my floor: What do you mean? My floor is always spotless. (Don't hurt yourself laughing too hard over that.) Okay, really - a baby swing, an infant play gym, and a Boppy (Looks like that baby needs to start picking up after herself!)

Three things I can do: sing, sign (a little), and make a PB & J sandwich with a nursing babe in one arm and a phone against my shoulder while counting to ten with my toddler and reminding myself to pay the utility bill

Three things that I love: being pregnant, toothless grins, and hearing Eliana pray

Three people I'm tagging: Rebeka, Elizabeth, and Haley (because she hasn't done hers yet!)

The Bride of Christ

Last night I lay in bed thinking back to a dream I had a few years ago. In this dream, it was my wedding day, and I was getting ready. I don't recall Chris even existing in my dream. It was not him that I was preparing to meet and make a vow of matrimony to. It was Christ.

I remember feeling an overwhelming inadequacy, having been chosen by Christ to be His bride. I felt completely unworthy. I kept thinking to myself, "Why me? Why would He show such favor to me? I do not deserve this. I do not deserve Him." I felt humbled. I felt honored. I felt ecstatic joy.

Upon waking from this dream I was at peace, still experiencing those same feelings. It was such a beautiful dream, and I felt grateful for having had it. I had gained a new perspective as a part of the Bride of Christ. I felt great excitement looking forward to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. I was elated.

It still gives me chills to think back on that dream. Last night was the first time I had thought about it in quite some time. I'm not quite sure what caused me to recall those details after such a long time, but I know I needed to remember it. That dream is a gift, a sort of love note from my Beloved.

A Day in History

On this day, many moons ago, God brought a great blessing into my life. I didn't know it at the time, though. It took quite a few years later for me to begin to suspect that this day would become so important to me, and a little longer still for it to be such. Once upon a time, it was just another day, but now I know the significance of this day in my life, and I thank God for this wonderful blessing.

Happy birthday, my husband, my love.

Toddler Rules of Possession

Have you ever seen the "Toddler Rules of Possession" that are sometimes printed on t-shirts and posters? If you haven't yet been so fortunate, or if you've simply forgotten them, here you go:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

It's been exciting to watch Eliana learn her pronouns and possessives. The most common possessive we hear, of course, is, "Mine!" I wasn't even sure she had completely mastered "yours" until last Friday during breakfast.

I was preparing to join Eliana at the table, placing the same food but different drinks in front of us. I had given Eliana orange juice, as it was already in her sippy cup, but I had poured myself a mug of milk. Before I could even sit down she was reaching for my milk and declaring, "My milk." She then placed her sippy cup in front of me and said, "Yours." After a good laugh, I told her it was okay, she could keep the milk, but we would share it. However, whenever I reached for the milk to take a sip she would again remind me to whom the milk really belonged and point to the sippy cup of unwanted orange juice and say, "Yours."

I've determined that I must have violated over half of the "Rules of Possession" at one point or another in that particular encounter.

A Fitting Finale

Let me start by saying that, any way you look at it, I am feeling much better today. Tuesday was certainly a difficult day, exposing my spiritual and emotional frailness (read previous post). When Chris came home from work that day he watched the girls while I had some time alone out of the house for about two hours. That was so refreshing, and I came back feeling like a different person.

The next day, however, while Chris was in California, my physical frailness was being exposed. I was at home struggling with mastitis. For those of you who don't know, mastitis is a breast infection that makes you feel as though you have the flu. All I could think about (while I was still in the right mind enough to think) was, "Of all the days for me to be so ill! Chris isn't even in the state!" This was his third and final one-day trip to Los Angeles to give a briefing on what he and his team have been working on for the last four months.

The past two months have been particularly difficult for us, with these last three weeks or so being a downright hardship. We're all still adjusting to the new dynamics of our family and have not had proper "down time" together since Evangeline was born. In some ways, it might have been easier to not have seen Chris at all these past three weeks rather than seeing him only long enough to say, "Hello," while he showers and turns right back around to return to the office. Eliana is now very clingy to him and throws a fit if he leaves or has to momentarily separate himself from her for any reason.

Anyway, so here I was, running a high-grade fever, half-delirious with two small children to care for and no one to care for me. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, resentfully thinking what a fitting end to this assignment, what a perfect way to sum up the feelings of loneliness, helplessness and fatigue that I've had lately. There is, however, a good side to this story. (I know, you're probably tired of all the whining - me too!)

Praise be to God, who has mercifully delivered me from this illness with a quick and steady hand! My fever broke that very same evening and continued to fall through the night. Chris was able to stay home for a couple of hours in the morning to help me rest a little more, and though I still felt draggy and sore, I continued to improve as the day progressed.

I now feel much, much better, and instead of feeling tempted to question why God would allow me to become so ill on such an inconvenient day or go through such a difficult few weeks without my husband I now feel that it was actually a perfectly designed and much needed opportunity to remind me of my limitations and of my dependence on Him from whom all blessings flow.

Laden With Guilt

I feel like I'm really starting to get the hang of having two children in some ways, but, in other ways, I still feel maternally challenged. In many ways, I don't feel quite so overwhelmed as I did at first, and I do believe that those feelings will continue to lessen. However, I'm starting to believe that it becomes "easier" not because I will get better at handling the two of them together but because they will get older and more easily manageable.

Don't get me wrong - I feel overwhelming joy that God has blessed me with these two precious little girls. However, it has been rather depressing to realize an even greater depth to my depravity than previously imagined. I never quite knew what a monster was lurking within me until I was faced with this most recent challenge. It has opened my eyes to see things about myself that I'd rather think were not possible.

In addition to the guilt over the ugliness in my heart is the guilt of failing to be "supermom". I can't seem to stop comparing myself to other mothers who seem to have things so much more together, work hard and joyfully make sacrifices. I feel like I've lost my grip lately. I feel as though I'm so behind on everything that I'll never catch up or make up for it.

I am hoping that with the completion of the huge, time-consuming project at my husband's work later this week will come great relief for our family. I know, however, that true peace and restoration will only be found in Christ. I know that I need Him, but, oh, how I've struggled to call upon Him lately! Hear, my soul, these words from Isaac Watts:

Laden with guilt and full of fears,
I fly to Thee, my Lord,
And not a glimpse of hope appears
But in Thy written Word.

The volumes of my Father’s grace
Does all my griefs assuage;
Here I behold my Savior’s face
In every page.

This is the field where hidden lies
The pearl of price unknown;
That merchant is divinely wise
Who makes the pearl his own.

Here consecrated water flows
To quench my thirst of sin;
Here the fair tree of knowledge grows,
No danger dwells within.

This is the judge that ends the strife
Where wit and reason fail,
My guide to everlasting life
Through all this gloomy vale.

O may Thy counsels, mighty God,
My roving feet command;
Nor I forsake the happy road
That leads to Thy right hand.

I'm Losing It

...my hair, that is. The postpartum hair loss became noticeable around 4 weeks and has only gotten worse over the past two and a half weeks. I expect it to get worse still before it gets better, but, thankfully, I have a thick head of hair. It's the head full of inch and a half long hairs sticking straight up once all that hair begins to grow back that I dread. But for now, I guess I should invest in Liquid-Plumr.

God's Instrument: A Mirror Named Eliana

"Blue Fish! Blue FIIISH!!"

I wasn't but fifteen minutes into the day and already dealing with a tantrum. Eliana was demanding that she be allowed to wear her "blue fish" outfit while her mean, unreasonable mother was pulling a perfectly nice denim dress with a cat on it over her head. Nevermind that the "blue fish" outfit has a button missing, that, due to the design of the outfit, I must completely undress her every time I need to change her diaper and that it is requested nearly every day (it and the "shark shirt" with "blue pants" take turns - we're convinced that Eliana's obsession with sea creatures will lead to a study of marine biology). I sometimes allow Eliana to choose her own outfit for the day, but other days I insist that she wear something that I pick out for her.

The whining, fussing, crying, screaming and squealing continued for many minutes. Being in Eliana's presence became most unpleasant, which, I'm sure, was her intended purpose. I just wish that she would fully realize that, even if I wanted to, I could never give in to her tantrums. What would that teach her?

There are so many simple truths I wish for my daughter to see and so many things I wish to give her, and yet, she persists in fussing over the smallest, most insignifcant matters. How much more could she learn and how much more could she be given if she would just stop her ugly behavior and trust me?

Being a mother teaches me so much about myself and my relationship with God. I know that I must, at times, be just like Eliana in God's eyes. I have to ask myself what I gain by acting that way and what I could gain by trusting in God. I must also strive to keep in mind how gracious God has been to me, a sinner. Oh, that I may show that same grace to my own child.

Lord, help me, I pray.

Homebirth 101

As a homebirth mom, I've received many questions and comments regarding my birthing choices. I realize that people are often naturally curious about birthing choices that seem to be outside the "norm". Unfortunately, however, many people are caught so off-guard that they end up coming back with something unintentionally offensive (at least I hope it's unintentional). Others bluntly pass judgment without care for reflection and certainly not with any thought for actual truth.

So, if I may step up on my soap box for just a moment, I'd like to share with you a website that answers a few homebirthing questions: But What If...? Questions Commonly Asked of Homebirth-ers

Mother of Two

Today is Day 3 "on my own" with both girls, and we're all still alive and in one piece! :) Everyone says that having a baby will change your life forever. That is certainly true, but, in some ways, at least from my own experience, I would say that having a second child changes your life even more than having the first one does. The adjustment has certainly been greater.

Eliana has been adjusting beautifully. I've been so pleased (Thank you, God!). Even with her grandmother now gone she is doing well. She loves her baby sister and is such a little mama to her. It just warms my heart to see her hugging, kissing and petting little Evangeline.

I am so thrilled to have two little girls! We had our first outing today at the park, just Mommy and the girls (and we're still all alive and in one piece!). I told Chris that going out with one of the girls is like going out with a friend, but going out with two girls is like having a party! Sure, it takes 4 times (not 2, mind you, but 4) the time and effort to pack up the car and get out of the house, but think of all the fun we'll have!

Evangeline Azalia's Hypno/Water/Home Birth

We left for a social gathering in our neighborhood around 5:00 PM on July 4th. Just after arriving, I began to take more notice of the contractions I had been having (for days). I was feeling that downward pressure-in-my-bottom feeling with each contraction, and it was like a little light bulb going off in my head, "Oh yeah – I remember this!" After timing a few surges at about 7 minutes apart I whispered to Chris, "I’m in labor." We remained at the party until about 7:30, when I was having more difficulty being discreet during surges and not feeling at all sociable anymore.

Upon arriving home, Chris started getting Eliana ready for bed and I began to get things ready for the birth. My body didn’t stand too much of that. It let me know rather quickly that all hustle and bustle would now cease. I managed to tuck in Eliana and tell her goodnight, and we informed her that the baby would be coming tonight and that she could meet her in the morning.

After that, I retreated to my bedroom and told Chris, "I want my tub." He began to get it ready around 9:10 while I labored on the bed. It took all my effort at that point to focus and concentrate on my breathing during surges. I started feeling somewhat anxious about my ability to do HypnoBirthing. I was doing fair at the moment, but my breathing already had great strain in it, and I couldn’t imagine keeping it up through anything much more intense. Looking back at it now, after the fact, I can honestly say that this part of labor was more difficult than "transition" was in the tub.

Jenny, my midwife (who was also my HypnoBirthing instructor), was called around 9:30. I finally decided that I should try sitting on the toilet, but it took me a few more contractions to get up the nerve to actually move. After sitting on the toilet for a while I inquired about the tub. Chris said it was almost half-way full, and the next moment I was making my way to it.

Upon entering the water (around 10:15), I let out a huge sigh of relief. Another surge soon began, but I breathed through it easily. The pain-relieving effects of the water were so great that I remember telling Chris, "Who needs an epidural when there’s water?" My confidence level skyrocketed. I kept listening to my HypnoBirthing CDs and concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply during surges, relaxing every part of my body. I reclined against the back of the tub a lot and would let my arms float freely in the water during surges. When I became uncomfortable, I moved freely and easily in the water to my newly adopted position. I had labored in the water with my first child, but it had been in a hard feeding trough, and though the water had still had a wonderful soothing effect, I never could find a comfortable position. Being in a soft, padded birthing tub made all the difference in the world.

Jenny arrived around 11:00 PM. She checked the baby’s heartrate and said it was good. All sense of time was really lost on me after that. I continued to go deeper into relaxation and really got "in the zone". My CD cut off, but I didn’t bother telling Chris to restart it. I had affirmations and visualizations freely floating through my mind.

I did not know this until after the fact, but, around 1:00 AM (just an hour before the actual birth), my midwife came back in the room to check on me and found Chris and my mother asleep on the floor. I looked so calm and relaxed that she believed I, too, was asleep and that my labor and stalled. She was about ready to check me and go home until things "picked up" again.

That, however, did not happen. I finally became uncomfortable in my reclined position, as the baby was starting to move down and put more pressure on my lower back and tailbone. I moved to sit on my knees with my legs spread, facing the tub rim with my arms and head supported. Breathing began to require an extra level of concentration, and I began to feel squirmy, unable to find a position to stop this new uncomfortable sensation down low. I just couldn’t believe the baby was actually moving down. "Surely not," I thought. "It hasn’t gotten bad enough yet."

Jenny began to talk to me, as I struggled to keep control over my breathing. "Let it be big," she said. "Let it be so big." I finally said that I wanted to know where the baby was. She checked me and said, "The baby is right here (in the birth canal)." I soon began to feel the urge to bear down and decided to adopt the on-my-knees position by the rim of the tub again. I finally began to vocalize some during surges, as I released tension and followed my body’s cues to bear down, but it was still nothing terribly loud or traumatic-sounding. I simply needed to release some of that "huge sensation" somewhere. I continued to breathe, even during the pushing. I simply followed my body’s lead. It was very empowering.

At 2:00 AM, my bag of waters released and took me quite by surprise. Soon after, Jenny was encouraging Chris to feel the baby’s head and prepare to receive the baby. As the baby crowned, I began to feel a small burning sensation in an isolated area, but not the "ring of fire" that I had experienced with my first. A minute or so later the head was out. I remember wanting to hold my baby so badly that I kept saying, "My baby! My baby!" I wanted to receive the baby myself, so I scooted backwards to the middle of the tub, still on my knees, and pushed the shoulders out. Chris supported the head, and I reached down into the water and pulled the baby out and onto my chest, leaning back against the tub. Official time of birth was 2:08 AM on July 5.

Words cannot describe the feelings experienced in that moment of time just following the birth. What sense of empowerment, relief, joy and overwhelming love!

The cord was short and did not allow me to see the baby’s gender, as the water was high and the baby was held on the side and covered with a towel. Turning the baby enough to see the gender would have required submerging, so draining of the tub began. It was probably a good 10-15 minutes after the birth that I finally took a peek and announced, "We have a girl!"

It took the baby a few minutes, but she quickly latched on and nursed like a pro! She nursed more that first night than Eliana did in her first few days of life!

The baby weighed in at 7 pounds, 1 ounce and measured 20" long. She had had ZERO molding and had a head the size of a 9-pounder, but I only have a few "skid marks". I’ve gotten very little sleep, but, otherwise, I am recovering quite nicely.

I am so very pleased with this birthing experience and feel that I must recommend water and HypnoBirthing to anyone out there pursuing a natural birth. This is coming from someone who really struggled with accomplishing hypnosis in practice. The smarty-pants man and the chattering monkeys in my head never like to shut-up. When the time came, however, I went way off the deep end, even fooling the midwife into thinking I was asleep. It really was a great experience for me, and I thank God for it.

We named our daughter Evangeline Azalia. Evangeline has a Greek origin meaning "good news". Azalia is Hebrew for "spared by Jehovah", in remembrance of the heart-wrenching time earlier in my pregnancy when we thought we would lose her and in memory of her twin, whom we did lose.

On to July...

Well, it looks as though June is not going to be the month of the baby after all! I've been busy these last few weeks getting last-minute things ready and trying to get some rest! My mother is now staying with us, and that has been a big relief. We've had fun spending time with her, and I've greatly appreciated the extra help and rest that her visit has made possible.

By the end of last week I was feeling pretty desperate to have this baby. I was getting hardly any sleep, and the contractions that I had been having for weeks were really picking up and starting to really interfere with my life. They just wouldn't go to the next level, though, so it was like being stuck in low gear! My midwife gave me an herbal tincture to take, which calmed my uterus and allowed me to get some sleep. I have just been a completely different person since! I've had a pretty good week, and I haven't felt in such a hurry to get this baby out!

We are very excited about our upcoming arrival. Every day my odds of having the baby only increase. It feels odd to have now already gone over a week past when Eliana was born. Hopefully I'll have some big news and pictures to post soon! :)

Anniversary Bust

Last Friday, May 26, was our 5-year anniversary. I had been looking forward to it for some time, and was excited about finally riding the tram to the top of Sandia Peak and eating at the restaurant there, as we had planned to do on this occassion even before we moved out here.

That, however, was not what happened. I woke up that morning quite sick to my stomach. The money spent on our non-refundable tram tickets was lost. Chris spent his entire free day off work caring for Eliana. I spent the day going back and forth between my bed and the bathroom. Here's a formula for all you math people out there:

Massive pregnant belly + violent heaving = State of Misery

I lost four pounds that day. It was far from the fifth anniversary I had in mind.

I'm happy to report that I feel much, much better now and that Chris and I have plans to try again tonight. We won't have the whole day together like we would have had last week, but we plan to ride the tram and have dinner atop the mountain. Today is another beautiful day, and I'm really looking forward to our date night.

Happy anniversary, my love!

The Month of the Baby

June is finally here! I may very well have a baby this month! In fact, I believe it to be more likely than not. Even my midwife seems to agree. The question is, "When??"

If this baby comes on the same day (gestationally speaking) as Eliana, then he/she will be born 3 weeks from today. I need to make it at least 2 more weeks from now to be full term, and I need to make it until after the 21st if my mother is going to make it in time. My midwife made mention of the baby possibly being born on Father's Day, which would be special. I have such mixed feelings because, on one hand, I am ready to have this baby and not be pregnant anymore. However, I'd like most of my mother's visit to take place before the baby comes, so that means it would be best to make it until July.

My midwife believes the baby will be similar in size to Eliana and that, once in labor, I will progress quickly. That is just music to my ears! I hope she's right! I am preparing myself to have a shorter, less painful labor. I'm actually excited about going into labor and doing it better this time!

Congratulations, Chris!

I just wanted to make a quick post to say how very proud I am of my foxy husband for completing a half-marathon this past Saturday (in great time, too). Way to go, love!